Beijing Re-beginnings

The hazy sun blazes feebly, reaching through layers upon layers of ozone, atmosphere, dust, dirt, and grime. I feel sorry for it as it tries so hard to stretch through, but am at a loss as to how to part the almost tangible pollution that blankets Beijing. Stepping off the plane, the stale air that has fermented under the smog blanket rushes into my lungs, coloring the mild walls of each lung cell.

At some points you feel that something has already happened, that a part of your life is in repeat. Faces may differ and scenery may change, but the déjà vu of it is real, because I have in fact déjà vu this place. The few days of clarity and blue sky are very symbolic of life for me here, those few times when a flood of realization streams through.

The trees are mostly green still, though they too, are layered with dust and dirt. I wonder how many people try to clean off a leaf to see what is really happening underneath the grime, to see the reality that surrounds us. Rather than a surreal environment, I believe it is more of sub-real existence.

Departing

It's hard for me to actually admit that I will actually miss Florida as tomorrow's flight from this place of my upbringing will seemingly pull me from it for a longer period of time that I would have ever imagined possible. That is to say, I might not be back for a long time coming. That doesn't surprise me in the least. What is surprising is the little twinge of nostalgia that has grown over the past couple of weeks. My friends will always hear me be the first to put Florida down, and I still would probably do that. But the calming ocean breezes in the evening have planted that sparkle of hope for returning to a place that was never mine.

The other day, as the sky deepened into it's night clothing of dark terror, the clouded sky shrouding the moonrise, the alternating warm and chilly breezes showed me the Florida that I hadn't taken the time to notice. As is likely to happen with these late revelations, there sprang the immediate want and need to see more of the beach. Maybe in my suppression of these desires can I come to appreciate it even more, but the flood will break loose eventually, not even the mightiest dams of will-power can cave in true desire.