Windy Day

A cold wind is blowing through NYC today, people are bundled up, and the "get out of my way" NYers are still plowing through the streets. I notice that those seem to be the people that are not really from NY, but feel that overcompensation can rightfully grant them a place in this great city. On days like this, the oppressive winter can lead one to such bouts of depressive thoughts that there can be no release from the prison of one's own thoughts. It's days like this that make me want to be enslaved to another's whims and fancies, to lose control of the spiraling darkness that life tailspins into on random occasions. Luckily, these thoughts seem to best manifest in lonely silence, and on the streets of NY, I was mainly able to avoid such a destructive fate.

Rather, I ate with family and friends, and had conversations of nothingness that gained me a moments peace from my own problems. There's nothing like the miseries of another to brighten up one's own world, and since there are myriad circumstances that overshadow my fanciful problems, I never focus long on that which cannot be controlled. Without a second thought, I plowed through NY with my own style, sidestepping the raging bulls while arriving in a timely manner to all destinations. It was a good day, a lovely, biting, windy day, and I remembered that all can be so dramatic.

The sun seems to be breaking through more now, and it's a sign that health can be such an overriding influence on our emotions. Without much more interesting observation, I look forward to a healthy, happy new year, and hope that all my friends and family will also turn towards their health, fix the nuts and bolts, and enjoy the sunshine that caresses our faces as we emerge from the depths of the subways.

The Brooklyn Birds

Wheeee!!! The pigeons soared parallel with the on-ramp to the Williamsburg bridge, flapping around in circle after monotonous circle, burning what they've ingested to keep themselves light enough for flight. Actually, that's my interpretation of what's happening, but maybe it's got a kernel of truth in there, no?

I mused at the disappearance of Little Italy under the weight of waves of continuous Chinese immigration, the days of Italian regulation of the Chinaman are a distant memory that are recounted by my relatives. We walked into a packed Big Wong's, tables bustling with foreigners of all sorts, a sight that I don't find much in this haunt of old Chinatown blood. The dirty streets of the original NY Chinatown may be dingy and downtrodden to the casual glance, but there are stories brewing in the filth and dank sewers, stories and tales that are guarded closely. We're seated next to a group of 6 foreigners, who proceed to put on a comedy for us.

Wife: Do NOT order anything strange... You know I don't eat seafood... (Stares at our plates)
Husband: Yeah, yeah, I know... (Struggles with a corkscrew and their bottle of Merlot) Umph... (Pulls at the cork)
Uncle: 呢個人唔識用嘎...
Me：係囉...
Uncle: Would you like some help with that?
Husband: Yeah, sure, thanks!
(Uncle unscrews the portable corkscrew a little, positions the groove, and pulls out the corkscrew with ease.)
Uncle: Here you go. :-)
Husband: Thank you! Do you guys want some?
Uncle, Me： No thank you. (We dip our 油炸鬼 into the 粥 and eat our 油菜同埋叉燒.)
Husband: (Orders with the waitress) We'll take some wonton soups, and what is this thing? (Points at 蝦米炸腸)
Waitress: It's umm...It's like what they have. (Points at our plate of 蝦米炸腸)
Husband: Hmm...
Wife: Honey, I TOLD you, nothing too strange, just get us some soup...

I don't understand venturing into restaurants with different types of cuisine and then not wanting something not too strange. Why didn't you just go to Johnny Rockets then? Anyhow, at least they ordered the dish in the end, and unlike the other table next to us, they didn't order Kung Pao Chicken in the Cantonese barbecue restaurant. I had a quiet a few quiet glances and laughs with my uncle about the strangeness of these foreigners. Foreigners into this piece of land that is America, foreigners to a different neck of the woods.

Comic relief was abundant today with the whirling pigeons and gastronomically challenged foreigners. Afterwards, I headed to the pool hall where I was again much too early. I sat, ordered the drinks for everyone that would be showing up, and swigged away at my Corona as I relaxed to some 張愛玲.

問世間...

窗外的黑暗世界沉沉的睡着去了。燈光充滿整間房，書本曡曡重重歪排在書桌上。溫暖的寢室裏，只有我與我之間的對談，我與我之間的電腦對看。飛奔找尋情分時，忽略了我自己和他自己的空間嗎？還是過敏于簡單的忙碌人生呢？當然，這問題無答案，亦無爲有答案。到一個人想到這麽複雜的時候，已是時候往後退一步的時間了。各讓一步海闊天空。透一口涼氣，身體微覺舒鬆。

世間上，有多少問題可問呢？有多少問題值得問呢？這個問題，不屬於其中之一。

何物也？如癡如夢。
何時也？有天一朝。
奈何也？無法可擋。
既已道其名，彼亦煙消否？
若非其名，魂未全散否?
如是，
不道不談，不思不慮。
若實我思，寧永不提也。

身周的物事排列正常。電腦發出嗚嗚微聲。發洩一下，未免不健康。所積累的思考，名之以廢之，則安睡一晚。

Snowy New York

The sky turns dark prematurely, but I think it has finally ceased to do so as of today. The solstice is over, so now that winter has arrived, it can only begin to slowly step away once again. It ran into town this year in a huff and a puff, blowing mounds of snow all across the city. I walked through that first snowy night, biting winds tearing through the layers upon layers I put on.

Late at night/early in the morning, I walked through a quiet Queens street watching the build up continue. As the wind kept blowing, I slanted ahead on the streets, looking now and then at the foot deep footprints on what were sidewalks in the morning. There's an awesome still in the snowstorm during the early morning, when all seems clear for the walk home. The air so chilling that your brain cannot be but functioning at full capacity to guide your way home.

I jumped the four steps down to the front door and fell on my knee, the snow drift that accumulated cradling and coddling my fall. I waved my magic wand and the door unlocked for me, freeing me from the open winter snowstorm.

The first snow of the season, and I was lucky enough to take it all in. Like all things, I'm glad to have had the experience and try to not think too much about what it means.

Rainy Day in Queens

The day started off dark and rainy. The sun didn't shine through the slits of the blinds this morning, showing up as more of a murky, dull, yellow glow. It's the kind of weather where you know that reflection and thoughts would most likely torment your mind. As to whether or not it would be productive pain is another question entirely. I like to save that analysis for the sunny day that follows.

The day was also different in that hunger was late in coming, so I knew that something in the health department was working against me. And while I take steps to keep that from happening, sometimes it just doesn't work out in the end. While the germs were having their festivities in my nasal cavity, I read, watched pointless television, and plotted. I'm still not sure what my plotting was directed at, but I'm pretty sure that it'll come to me soon. One of those thoughts that we wait patiently for, the one that'll bring forth the thunder and lightning to announce the breaking of sunshine through a completely clouded sky. I'm still waiting for that moment, so I hope you're not holding your breath.

While the sunshine hasn't yet broken through, communication did start. I directed my thoughts at a couple of people and got immediate responses. It was a good sign that the nuts and bolts haven't entirely rusted beyond repair. It was the single ray that shot out yellow to unmuddy the gray of this morning, and thankfully, cycles mean that eventually something else will come along.

When my Kali rage has finished, I hope my friend's comparison was not totally false, and that something good does come of it. Thanks, C.