Bleeding Eyes

I open my eyes briefly, blinking at the incoming rays of sunshine, and all is dark for that second. Upon opening my eyes, my left eyeball bursts open and blood rushes out of the socket that now contains a deflating eyeball, membrane, fluid, blood, all soaking my face and black t-shirt. The slit that burst the bubble was caused by a razor sharp slice, almost like a paper cut. Strangely, it is painless except for a psychic reverberation that throbs in my temples, but physically there is no noticeable pain. The only recognizable trauma is the realization that it no longer exists, my vision.

Mixed with the psychological pain that I know I should be feeling down to the marrow in my bones but is not registering properly is also a gladness. A happiness that grows from the relief of never having to see the world again, never having to see the pain that happens all around me. Though I'd be missing the joy and wonder around me as well, the misery that grows from happiness seems to far outweigh the pleasures I will be missing.

As the last bits of juice trickle down my cheek like big drops of oozy, sticky tears, my right eye stares briefly out at the sun setting beyond the trees and grows hazy slowly. An inner cloud floats across my field of vision and all is darkened from gray, to dark gray, to charcoal, to the absence of light. I cry slowly, not knowing anymore whether these are tears or internal fluids, knowing only that the first tears of sadness are overtaken by a gush of rejoicing tears, because the difference between the two are intensely different.

I raise my head slightly to stop the tears and drift off to a mental darkness as all signals cease. The sounds quiet down, the feelings in my heart are deadened, and the scents are all neutralized. It's a slowly approaching sleep that voids the world for those precious nighttime hours. Whether this is my nightly rest I can't say since every night, I give up the struggle to keep a hold of consciousness as now.

[Memories of a haunting dream that has appeared to me of late.]